Summer Parenting

Audio By Carbonatix

For some parents, summer means that it won’t be long before their child leaves for college. Emotions will run high as they make their way through many “lasts.” You may have recently experienced the last high school game your child will ever play. The last track meet. The last exam. Then, a few months down the road, it transitions to a lot of “firsts.” The first time your child is living on their own. The first time they grocery shop for themselves. The first time they do their own laundry. It’s a roller coaster of emotions for everyone.

For other parents, this summer means a child is returning home after completing their first year of college. Along with bags of laundry, stacks of tattered and worn books, and teary goodbyes to new friends, children returning home for the summer will, no doubt, be packing a little attitude in their suitcase. I don’t believe it’s intentional. I think it’s mostly just the result of spending nine months living with independence and freedom. They come home and feel like they’re drowning in rules and regulations. They will figure out quickly that their friends are in the same boat. While most moms and dads are thrilled to see their son or daughter again for an extended period of time, they are cautiously optimistic about handling their independent bundle of sweetness and sarcasm.

The common thread for both of these parents is the issue of accountability. After all, the child going off to college is going to be on their own very soon, so those parents will have questions, and there will be concerns for the parents whose child is returning home and is no longer accustomed to having rules. I think having a conversation with them about respecting you and the values of your home is reasonable. Each family gets to decide what this looks like, but you need to have these discussions about what boundaries may be needed for this interim period of time. 

Establishing expectations for helping around the house is another area to address. Your child needs to quickly understand that they’re not on vacation. They are not entitled to a luxury suite, three meals prepared for them each day, and free laundry service. Living back home comes with responsibilities. 

The same is true for the child leaving home soon. It’s a good opportunity for them to learn how to make more decisions and start practicing behaviors that come with living on their own. For example, regarding the topic of curfews, it may be wise to get them used to having a little more freedom while they’re still at home in a safe environment. 

Asking them to get a summer job to help with their expenses is not unreasonable—just ask any parent. Part of growing up is learning how expensive it can be to live. Their summer income can be used toward the household budget or to help pay for books and other necessities at school.

Once you’ve figured out how to win at home peacefully, then make sure you build in some quality time together to learn about this emerging adult. You will begin to see the fruits of your parenting labor. 

Your child is just beginning to mature and, at some point, this once unpredictable, sometimes sassy, but always adorable child will eventually grow into a polite and responsible adult. And when they return next summer, you will gladly welcome them home again.